it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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