Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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