ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
