Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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