So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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