One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
