Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
