I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
this hospital has no fireball
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
