I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
