I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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