I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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