you mean i was at the winter classic?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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