I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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