ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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