What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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