Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
