Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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