I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
