Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize