In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
