Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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