I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
