How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
