Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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