i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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