Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
