I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
