so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
