so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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