Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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