so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
