dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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