at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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