when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize