Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

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(210): View more from Texas

he referred to my room as the tit cave...

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(847): View more from Illinois

Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?

(1-847): View more from Illinois

It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Big girls don't cry they get day drunk

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(360): View more from Washington

Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.

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(214): View more from Texas

I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator

(214): View more from Texas

and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact

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