took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My vagina is officially offended.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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