I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
