This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
