And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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