im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
