So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
