im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
