Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
