I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
