we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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