Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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