There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
