I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
