He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
