things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
