Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize