You're so nebulous sometimes
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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