the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
