i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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