Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
