He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
