I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
