I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
