So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
