sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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