My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need to calm my uterus...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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