so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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