I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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