weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
