DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
