I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
